Third Culture Adults in Global Transition

The Case of the Wanderlust Job Seeker

I am an avid fan of Dr. Robin Smith, a licensed psychologist and guest expert on Oprah and Friends™ Radio. I especially love it when Dr. Robin opens her show with a gem that she weaves from her own life that you just know is chocked full of empowering metaphors designed to inspire her listeners in meeting the challenges of their own daily living.

During one of Dr. Robins’ recent call-in shows, a guest phoned in to ask questions about her difficulties with choosing and settling on one career that she would love and be able to stick with. Dr Robin immediately goes into action asking skillfully worded questions designed to elicit information from her caller regarding her dreams and desires for a career and to pin-point the caller’s issues surrounding her career dilemma.

The caller struggled.  

As the call progressed and the questions became more artful, the more the caller seemed to struggle with finding the answers.

There I was in the car listening to the show and thinking, “Is this young woman possibly a TCK?” At one point I found myself talking to the radio and animatedly saying, “Ask her questions about what her parents did for a living?”

I wanted to know! Was her Mother in the military? Was her father a missionary? Did she spend part of her developmental years living overseas? And then this magical moment happened… this 30-something caller shared that she typically goes through a 2-3 year cycle of changing jobs, primarily due to her no longer enjoying the job and no longer understanding, or even liking, the people that she works with!

Ahhh – there it is… Could it be possible? Is she a TCK? I lean forward in anxious anticipation….

To my utter disappointment, the call heads into a different direction and closes. This call ended with no real resolution for the caller with respect to her developing more insight and understanding about what might be happening for her… no questions that might have elicited a background that could account for her workforce wanderlust. I also noted that this was not a typical ending when listeners call into the show looking for answers to their concerns. Usually the conversation ends with the caller expressing some type of “aha” moment or at least the recognition that they have a better understanding og the situation that led them to call into the show. My felt sense was that, in this case, the caller had not found the resolution that she was hoping to find

Is it possible that the reason that Dr Robin Smith did not have her usual bull-eye hit when responding to the questions and concerns of her callers was because her caller was a TCK?

While this situation may certainly not have been the story of a TCK in crises, it did lead to my musing about how often helping professionals miss the opportunity to help TCKs who may be struggling with issues of unresolved grief, wanderlust and rootlessness, cultural identity, feelings of alienation, etc., because they do not even know to ask the right questions.

How often do teachers and school counselors miss the opportunity to learn that an underlying part of why a child may be isolating or appear aloof in the classroom is intricately connected to their lived experiences that stem from having spent several years outside of their home culture?

As I mentioned in a previous posting, Vicki Lambiri suggests 10 areas of research that she believes demands our attention and requires further study by and for the benefit of the intercultural community of academics, practitioners and consultants, as they serve the expatriate community. I would like to suggest one more area of research that I believe requires more attention.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I would like to propose that more research and increased awareness is needed within the counseling field for understanding the experiences of multi-mover families and impacts of growing up in cultures outside of their passport culture.

What would it mean if psychologists and counselors were to include questions that are designed to elicit this type of information designed, as part of their routine intake, when meeting new clients?

Given our increasing globalization, it might be prudent for the helping profession to consider that the possibility that their new client might be a TCK or ATCK.

How have you been affected by having spent part of your childhood or adolescent years abroad?

Betwixt and Between: The Liminality of Growing Up Cross-Culturally

“Betwixt and between,” she said jokingly!

I still recall the day that an older co-worker came over to my desk where I worked as a newly promoted employee in the Sears Credit Department. In what seemed to be good-natured humor she said, “betwixt and between.” As she continued to chuckle, I curiously pondered what it was that she was saying. Was she making reference to my racially mixed background? If she was, indeed, poking fun at my identity, then I failed to see the funnier side of what she seemed to be so exquisitely enjoying.

Was it possible that she was making reference to my transitional phase of moving from adolescence to adulthood and landing my first real job? Or, perhaps, she was referring to my novice skill level, given that I had just moved up from being part-time salesclerk on the “flying squad” rotational unit to a full time credit department employee. As I continued to scrutinize her face for some glimmer of understanding, she continued to laugh, as she pointed to my hair. “Betwixt and between” she again declared. “That’s what I call my hair,” she said, still chuckling! “You and I have something in common!” Pointing to her hair in return,… I laughed. She was right!!

You might ask what does discussion about “betwixt and between” hair has to do with a blog about third culture kids and adults.

Where do I begin…

First, I have been pondering some of the comments that I have received from readers, both on this blog and in emails about mixed race and minority TCKs, as well as first hand experiences around issues connected to being a mixed ethnicity TCK. In addition to those of feelings of rootlessness or not quite fitting in that most TCKs typically know… that sense of not having a place that they call home … that feeling of being from nowhere and everywhere, for some, there often exists yet another layer of experiences that accompany living in an internationally mobile lifestyle.

TCKs who are from multiethnic backgrounds have an added sense of not belonging within a explicitly defined category. For example, there are no neat little boxes that can be checked off on an application… no space where he or she can connect from an aspect of a clearly categorized identity. There also a heightened struggle for acceptance for being just “who they are.” I will never forget my son’s frustrations when filling out his first job applications and experiencing feelings of the ambiguity of an identity that could not be characterized both from the perspective of being biracial and as a TCK born in and spending formative years in countries outside of the US.

A couple of months ago, I came across the most interesting discussion about liminality on Charles La Shure’s blog about his betwixt and between word of being a westerner living and working in Korea at Liminality: The Space In Between.

If most of you are like me, you have never heard of the term liminality, and most probably not associated with a discussion of being a Third Culture Adult or a Third Culture Kid. So for purposes of this discussion, I think that it would be best to start with providing a definition of liminality. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines liminality as: of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition; in-between; transitional. For a more detailed definition and historical explanation of this concept, see LaShure’s comprehensive discussion.

In this sense, TCKs could certainly identify with this state of liminality… existing in neither one culture nor the other space of being … betwixt and between …. the third culture.  Certainly, TCKs of a mixed race background, especially those whose parents are from differing passport cultures might especially recognize the liminality of existing in “the space in-between.”

The other reason that I chose to open this blog by poking fun at my liminal, “betwixt and between” hair was because I wanted to introduce a lighter touch to open a dialog(ue) about a very serious topic that I believe will only grow, as we continue to experience massive demographic and societal changes that have been brought on by increasing globalization.

I'd be delighted to hear stories from my readers about what’s different and what’s the same for TCKs from a biracial/bicultural or multiethnic background and the usual experiences of other TCKs. What are some of the challenges that you believe you have faced that are different from the experiences of TCKs whose parents are of the same race, ethnicity or passport culture? What are some of the gifts that you believe you have developed as a result of your unique identity and place of liminality?

Through the Eyes of a TCK: A Tale of Love

This weekend, I received the most wonderful note from the author of the book Spirit of Saint Valentine: An Expat's Tale of Love. Reading this note served as a wonderful reminder of why this topic is near and dear to my heart! This young author reaffirmed that there are challenges that accompany the benefits of this internationally mobile childhood. More importantly, Simens emphasized the significance of parents realizing that the readjustment that accompanies these moves can be difficult, and their role of "listening" is a very important part of making this adjustment easier.

I am going to add that I believe that it is important that all adults that are involved in the lives of TCKs, i.e., teachers... relatives... friends..., also practice the art of skillful listening to support their needs of TCKs. Equally vital to the growth and development of TCKs is acknowledgement and support of their gifts that often surface through their lived experiences. However, these gifts very often go unnoticed, especially once TCKS return to their home or passport culture.

Clearly, having written a novel about these experiences at this yearly life stage, is an example of the gifts that develop through this cross cultural childhood. I encourage you to check out Simens' book as soon as you get a chance.